Today is Valentine's Day. A day meant to be surrounded in expressions of love. Taking that extra step to assure the people you love that you appreciate them and love their presence in your life. I'm a very romantic and passionate person, so you would think I love this day, right? WRONG. I do enjoy Valentine's Day as I enjoy most other holidays, but I think it's gone overboard (like most other holidays...). This seems to be a recurring theme for me at the moment, but the materialistic obsession with Valentine's presents is nauseating! Why is giving your wife diamonds the only true expression of love? Why do we have to buy chocolates, flowers, stuffed animals, jewelry and whatever else commercials declare a MUST to show your special someone that you love them? Sam was asked by a few soldiers what he got for Valentine's Day, he said "nothing..." and got a few shocked looks as if he would be in trouble with me. Would you like to know what I desire for Valentine's Day? I would like my husband to be in the same country, in the same state, in the same building or in the same ROOM. Do I care that he didn't order flowers online? No! Admittedly I'm a very practical person, and as stated in my previous post I have a hard time with gifts anyway. I've never expected much, just time with the one I love. Of course I would not turn away flowers or a special night out, but I don't EXPECT it. I wouldn't think Sam loves me any less just because he didn't buy me a diamond necklace. In fact I might actually be more upset that he spent the money on that instead of something we needed (like I said, practical). I think having a special day to really go out of your way for the one you love is never a bad thing. However, I think the entire year should be used to make your loved ones feel appreciated and loved, even just small tokens of affection collectively throughout the year. If we really need to have a holiday to do so, I think that's sad. (Yes I know this wasn't 'invented' for that reason, but that's what it has become).
I apologize for the generalization, but I think too many women expect too much, and they of course expect things to just happen. They expect their loved one to just KNOW what they're thinking, know what they want done, know what they want, etc. I'm by no means an expert in the field of men, but that's just NOT how it works! Men would so much rather be TOLD than have to jump through hoops trying to guess. And why is it always about ourselves? Why do we expect all the extravagant gifts and then get a card and something small for our loved one? Again, I know this is by no means everyone. These unrealistic and selfish expectations of being treated like a queen and served constantly are probably about 9 times out of 10 the cause of unhappiness and problems in a relationship. I'm telling you right now, when you stop thinking "me me me me me" and start doing even small things for your man, you will notice a difference. Even if you get nothing in return, eventually they do notice. After they notice, you'll notice they'll start doing more things for YOU too. This is hard for a lot of ladies, but God does ask us as wives to SERVE our husbands. When we submit and serve our husbands, I'm telling you the reward is great. I love serving Sam, I really do. I love him and I love taking care of him. It is my "love language" which probably helps... For example, he notices that I always keep a clean home and not only thanks me for it, but will generally go out of his way to do something for me without me ever asking or expecting something. Take the selfish motives out of things, follow God's word and I really feel you'll notice a difference.
Now don't get me wrong, I know there are a lot of unhealthy relationships out there. There are truly situations where a man (or even a woman) has absolutely no respect for their significant other. I do know the fear, pain and insecurity brought along with abuse. I know what results from remaining in an abusive relationship too. There are situations where leaving IS the only option, because I would never advocate someone staying in a dangerous situation. However, I do fully believe in doing everything possible to maintain a relationship (especially a marriage). I do not believe in divorce or remarriage. I don't judge those who are in those situations, but I personally do not believe in them. I very strongly believe marriage is a covenant with God, not something that can be broken because of how we feel. I strongly feel the men and women who are disrespectful or abusive are definitely not on a path with Christ. How could they be? Although I can't endorse necessarily staying or leaving (it's all situational and I do understand that), it's amazing what bringing Jesus into your life can do to fix that.
That's my relationship rant! I suspect my issues are partially due to the fact that I'm separated by THOUSANDS of miles from my husband on Valentine's Day, but this is really nothing new. I just felt like venting :)
14 February 2010
12 February 2010
Contentement passe richesse.
I do believe it's official... I've become a snob. My stay in Minnesota, deployment pay and a nice place to live has spoiled me rotten. (Please do not take what I'm about to say offensively, because it's just observations for me personally. I do not believe I'm better than anyone, even if it may sound that way.) From what I have observed, there is a big cultural difference between Minnesota and El Paso. I have the utmost respect for the Mexican culture, but I suspect a lot of the people that have immigrated to El Paso were very poor there, and have sort of brought that with them. The standard of living is SIGNIFICANTLY lower than it is in Minnesota. Sam and I are by NO means rich, in fact statistically we're hovering on the poverty line. I'm VERY good with money and I'm very good at budgeting, which is how we've created a good standard of living for ourselves. But through searching for apartments here I've learned a lot. There is no middle ground around here. It's either REALLY nice and out of our league, or it's a dump in a very scary neighborhood. Our search is of course limited because of our two dogs, which I suspect has a lot to do with the extreme differences in what I've been finding. My apartment up in Minnesota really was perfect for us at our current position in life. Maybe I'm having such a hard time accepting things because I've had to leave a place where I had made myself extremely comfortable. Maybe it's because I was brought up as the daughter of an Air Force officer and expect a basic standard of living. Either way I'm having a VERY difficult time (as I partially expected I would.)
But then I turn around and feel bad for expecting so much. Do I need a newer apartment with a nicely decorated kitchen, new appliances, and aesthetic appeal? No I really don't. Why am I letting all of these materialistic THINGS bring me down? I find nothing wrong with making myself comfortable, I do not feel bad to expect more than a roach infested, dirty, run down apartment. My husband works VERY hard and deserves to have a nice place to come home to. But there it is, that sense of entitlement to THINGS. Maybe it's just because I'm relatively new to making decisions and directing my thoughts towards God, but I'm having a hard time allowing myself to be comfortable while still honoring Him and not my things. Do I consider myself materialistic? No. I have no attachment to things, I really don't. I would trade all of my things in a heart beat if it's what God asked. Would I kick and whine a little? Probably. I just wonder if that's enough. Is it enough to say that? As they say so often, being a Christian is by no means the easy path to take. Following Jesus quite frequently means forcing yourself out of your "comfort zone". Things have never been my comfort zone. Little background story: My dad was rarely ever around. Being in the Air Force frequently took him to different places around the world throughout my entire life. When he would return, he would always have a gift. I'm sure most of you have heard of the "love languages", and gift giving was definitely my dad's way of showing love. But it almost turned into a substitute for love and attention. I have always had practically any THING I've ever wanted. Did I consider myself blessed? Yes. But all the gifts and the presents weren't what I longed for. I now have a very hard time with gift giving because of that. (In case any of you are curious, my love language is words of affirmation and acts of service.) This little fact reminds me of how un-materialistic I've become. Do I wish it could have been different? Yes. But I have something a lot of people don't: a separation in my mind of love and things. As far as living situations and belongings, I've learned to never get attached to much. Having moved around SO much in my life, I've never had that feeling of "home". Home for me is anywhere my family is (my parents and siblings in the past, Sam now). Again, do I wish I could have had more stability in my life? Yes. But I've come to appreciate what I've learned from it. Will I ever be truly un-materialistic? Of course not, we're human and it's in our nature to be sinful creatures. However, through struggle, I have gained a lot and I'm very thankful to have such a good foundation to start a life for Sam and our future family. I don't feel that giving up a basic standard of living is going to take me away from God, as long as I'm still pursuing Him and not just resting in the comfort of my things. I will NEVER find rest in things, only in Him :) What materialistic things we do receive are a gift from God and should be used to glorify Him in some way. And I think as long as I'm able to keep those things in mind, I'll achieve that happy balance (or at least as close as humanly possible).
On a completely unrelated note, it's a very bittersweet feeling being back in El Paso. I'm THOROUGHLY enjoying the sunshine, the warmth, the palm trees and the mountains, but there is so much frustration and hurt along with happy memories of the short time Sam and I actually got to spend married together associated with El Paso. Seeing soldiers with their families sure isn't helping either. It's been proving a lot harder to handle than I was expecting. We are coming down to single digit days left though, so praise God for that! I just can't wait to share my life with Sam again and enjoy all the progress that we've made TOGETHER. :)
(Sorry if this is so all over the place, I've been overwhelmingly emotional lately and have a very difficult time expressing those emotions in a comprehensible way...)
But then I turn around and feel bad for expecting so much. Do I need a newer apartment with a nicely decorated kitchen, new appliances, and aesthetic appeal? No I really don't. Why am I letting all of these materialistic THINGS bring me down? I find nothing wrong with making myself comfortable, I do not feel bad to expect more than a roach infested, dirty, run down apartment. My husband works VERY hard and deserves to have a nice place to come home to. But there it is, that sense of entitlement to THINGS. Maybe it's just because I'm relatively new to making decisions and directing my thoughts towards God, but I'm having a hard time allowing myself to be comfortable while still honoring Him and not my things. Do I consider myself materialistic? No. I have no attachment to things, I really don't. I would trade all of my things in a heart beat if it's what God asked. Would I kick and whine a little? Probably. I just wonder if that's enough. Is it enough to say that? As they say so often, being a Christian is by no means the easy path to take. Following Jesus quite frequently means forcing yourself out of your "comfort zone". Things have never been my comfort zone. Little background story: My dad was rarely ever around. Being in the Air Force frequently took him to different places around the world throughout my entire life. When he would return, he would always have a gift. I'm sure most of you have heard of the "love languages", and gift giving was definitely my dad's way of showing love. But it almost turned into a substitute for love and attention. I have always had practically any THING I've ever wanted. Did I consider myself blessed? Yes. But all the gifts and the presents weren't what I longed for. I now have a very hard time with gift giving because of that. (In case any of you are curious, my love language is words of affirmation and acts of service.) This little fact reminds me of how un-materialistic I've become. Do I wish it could have been different? Yes. But I have something a lot of people don't: a separation in my mind of love and things. As far as living situations and belongings, I've learned to never get attached to much. Having moved around SO much in my life, I've never had that feeling of "home". Home for me is anywhere my family is (my parents and siblings in the past, Sam now). Again, do I wish I could have had more stability in my life? Yes. But I've come to appreciate what I've learned from it. Will I ever be truly un-materialistic? Of course not, we're human and it's in our nature to be sinful creatures. However, through struggle, I have gained a lot and I'm very thankful to have such a good foundation to start a life for Sam and our future family. I don't feel that giving up a basic standard of living is going to take me away from God, as long as I'm still pursuing Him and not just resting in the comfort of my things. I will NEVER find rest in things, only in Him :) What materialistic things we do receive are a gift from God and should be used to glorify Him in some way. And I think as long as I'm able to keep those things in mind, I'll achieve that happy balance (or at least as close as humanly possible).
On a completely unrelated note, it's a very bittersweet feeling being back in El Paso. I'm THOROUGHLY enjoying the sunshine, the warmth, the palm trees and the mountains, but there is so much frustration and hurt along with happy memories of the short time Sam and I actually got to spend married together associated with El Paso. Seeing soldiers with their families sure isn't helping either. It's been proving a lot harder to handle than I was expecting. We are coming down to single digit days left though, so praise God for that! I just can't wait to share my life with Sam again and enjoy all the progress that we've made TOGETHER. :)
(Sorry if this is so all over the place, I've been overwhelmingly emotional lately and have a very difficult time expressing those emotions in a comprehensible way...)
03 February 2010
God's plan
First of all, I would like to say the arrival of February is BEYOND welcome for me. It doesn't seem like it's real! I've been waiting for this month for almost 11 1/2 months now, I can't believe it's actually here! I'm so ready for this deployment to be done. I'm ready to enjoy the progress that I've made with my husband in person. I'm ready to settle down, no longer be in transition, and enjoy life with my husband (until his next deployment at least...). I'm so ready to be just that much closer to starting our family and enjoying God's gifts.
But that's what brings me to write this blog entry. I've been reading the blogs of http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com and my heart is just aching. This girl, around my age, is an absolute inspiration. The love and devotion she has for God is just incredible and worth honoring. Although human, just like all of us, she always comes back to faith in God regardless of what she's being put through. But there were a few blogs in specific that really broke my heart: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2010/01/it-is-dark.html and http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2009/11/we-have-had-one-of-those-really-great.html (For whatever reason my hyperlink's aren't working... sorry). All that she does, and yet she still feels that she hasn't really done everything Jesus has called us to do. I think it's extremely healthy to constantly re-evaluate and never truly rest in bettering your faith. No person will ever become so righteous as to have absolutely no room to grow in their faith (except for Jesus of course). However it makes me think about what I'M doing. I don't consider myself a mean, un-giving person. Over this deployment, while Sam and I are relatively financially blessed, I've been making it a point to donate something to any charity I come across. I try to make it a point to go out of my way to do something to make a stranger smile. I generally try to think of others over myself (this of course still being very hard, we are very selfish beings). I feel that I should be doing more. I don't feel satisfied in what I give, yet I receive so much. I feel I should be doing so much more to spread God's love to his children who NEED Him who might not embrace Him. I'm really hoping to see eye to eye on this with my husband, because I plan to no longer ignore this desire building in my heart. I feel like God is planning something (well obviously He is, but I think it's going to be playing out in the very near future). What that may be, I have no idea, but I highly suspect SOMETHING is going to be presented to me and I'm going to have to take it. Sam and I by no means live in the lap of luxury (especially in a few weeks...), but we have so much more than so many others. I find nothing wrong with allowing myself to be comfortable, I think it's hard to give to others when you're lacking profoundly yourself (not that we are lacking profoundly) so I can't bring myself to necessarily feel BAD for what I have, just very blessed. However, I never want to rest in the comfort, I never want to lose sight of our heavenly kingdom, and I never want to hold on too tightly to worldly things. It also made me think about God's plan for people. I greatly admire those who do go around the world giving and helping those who need them, spreading God's love, but I know that's not necessarily God's calling for EVERYONE. Of course we're called to be hospitable and giving, thinking of others over ourselves and being a witness for Jesus, but not all of us are destined to go to places to like Africa to serve. I'm a nurturing soul and I'm very aware of this. I have a warm, open heart for anyone, but I will admit my heart really goes out to kids. I love working with kids everyday, watching them grow, watching them learn and knowing I was able to somehow touch their life and help them in some way to get to that point. I love taking care of my husband, I love making food for him, I love making sure he always has clean clothes and I love providing a clean, comfortable place to come home to. It's just natural for me to take care of others. When Isabelle was born, that fact became abundantly clear to me. I had NEVER felt so close to God, I had never felt a stronger sense of purpose EVER. I may not be her mother per se, but I knew there was a little girl now that would eventually NEED me for reassurance. I've been having stronger and stronger feelings that having a family and raising our children to be strong people in Christ is my calling. Imagining myself as a Christian mother just makes my heart beat a little faster in excitement. Does that make me any less important than those providing for thousands? I don't think it does. Someone has to raise those people, right? Does that mean I can't be as giving as possible? Of course not! Will I be very open to opportunities God puts in front of me? Absolutely. Will I be constantly striving to get closer to God and do what Jesus asks of us? Yes.
That's all I have for now :) It may be quite a long time before I'm able to blog again, but we shall see!
But that's what brings me to write this blog entry. I've been reading the blogs of http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com and my heart is just aching. This girl, around my age, is an absolute inspiration. The love and devotion she has for God is just incredible and worth honoring. Although human, just like all of us, she always comes back to faith in God regardless of what she's being put through. But there were a few blogs in specific that really broke my heart: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2010/01/it-is-dark.html and http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2009/11/we-have-had-one-of-those-really-great.html (For whatever reason my hyperlink's aren't working... sorry). All that she does, and yet she still feels that she hasn't really done everything Jesus has called us to do. I think it's extremely healthy to constantly re-evaluate and never truly rest in bettering your faith. No person will ever become so righteous as to have absolutely no room to grow in their faith (except for Jesus of course). However it makes me think about what I'M doing. I don't consider myself a mean, un-giving person. Over this deployment, while Sam and I are relatively financially blessed, I've been making it a point to donate something to any charity I come across. I try to make it a point to go out of my way to do something to make a stranger smile. I generally try to think of others over myself (this of course still being very hard, we are very selfish beings). I feel that I should be doing more. I don't feel satisfied in what I give, yet I receive so much. I feel I should be doing so much more to spread God's love to his children who NEED Him who might not embrace Him. I'm really hoping to see eye to eye on this with my husband, because I plan to no longer ignore this desire building in my heart. I feel like God is planning something (well obviously He is, but I think it's going to be playing out in the very near future). What that may be, I have no idea, but I highly suspect SOMETHING is going to be presented to me and I'm going to have to take it. Sam and I by no means live in the lap of luxury (especially in a few weeks...), but we have so much more than so many others. I find nothing wrong with allowing myself to be comfortable, I think it's hard to give to others when you're lacking profoundly yourself (not that we are lacking profoundly) so I can't bring myself to necessarily feel BAD for what I have, just very blessed. However, I never want to rest in the comfort, I never want to lose sight of our heavenly kingdom, and I never want to hold on too tightly to worldly things. It also made me think about God's plan for people. I greatly admire those who do go around the world giving and helping those who need them, spreading God's love, but I know that's not necessarily God's calling for EVERYONE. Of course we're called to be hospitable and giving, thinking of others over ourselves and being a witness for Jesus, but not all of us are destined to go to places to like Africa to serve. I'm a nurturing soul and I'm very aware of this. I have a warm, open heart for anyone, but I will admit my heart really goes out to kids. I love working with kids everyday, watching them grow, watching them learn and knowing I was able to somehow touch their life and help them in some way to get to that point. I love taking care of my husband, I love making food for him, I love making sure he always has clean clothes and I love providing a clean, comfortable place to come home to. It's just natural for me to take care of others. When Isabelle was born, that fact became abundantly clear to me. I had NEVER felt so close to God, I had never felt a stronger sense of purpose EVER. I may not be her mother per se, but I knew there was a little girl now that would eventually NEED me for reassurance. I've been having stronger and stronger feelings that having a family and raising our children to be strong people in Christ is my calling. Imagining myself as a Christian mother just makes my heart beat a little faster in excitement. Does that make me any less important than those providing for thousands? I don't think it does. Someone has to raise those people, right? Does that mean I can't be as giving as possible? Of course not! Will I be very open to opportunities God puts in front of me? Absolutely. Will I be constantly striving to get closer to God and do what Jesus asks of us? Yes.
That's all I have for now :) It may be quite a long time before I'm able to blog again, but we shall see!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
