Set-Apart Femininity

So my friend Amy had posted on her blog about this book, and I got excited and thought to myself "that's definitely something I should read". While staying at their house up in Minnesota, I got a chance to do so. I picked it up and read it within 2 days, I could NOT put it down. It is a lot to absorb, but once I sat and reflected and prayed about what I had read, my heart almost burst with excitement and love for my Lord! It's made me re-evaluate almost everything I had thought about Christianity and my role as a woman in Christ. I STRONGLY recommend any woman who believes and accepts Christ as her savior to read this book, and then read it again. If you would classify your belief as lukewarm, then you might not be ready to read this. It touches upon the modern Christian fitting beliefs around the world and around themselves instead of truly devoting our hearts and our LIVES to Him.

It really stirred up something in me that has been sitting dormant. God has made it very clear what role He has set for me. How these opportunities will present themselves, I'm not entirely sure, but I do know what's coming. I don't want to be a lukewarm, "average" Christian. I want people to look at me and see God's radiance flowing out of me. I want to know that I am giving my ALL in life to spreading His word and caring for those who are in need. As I mentioned in another post, I'm a nurturer. God has brought out such a strong maternal desire in my heart (something I would have cringed at even just a year ago...). I know that I'm to raise my children to be strong warriors in Christ, and not just raise them, but expose them to the world and harbor a deep passion for giving to others in their hearts. If you had told me my role would almost solely be "mother" I would have laughed. I had never desired to be a stay at home mom at ANY point in my life. I barely wanted kids! Maybe it was because I never truly understood the importance of raising children with strong morals, maybe it was because I had drastically different plans for myself, or maybe it was because although I believed in God, I was truly following Him. Whatever the reason, I looked at stay at home moms as a lazy and almost sexist existence to be 'chained at home'. I partially blame society's new pressure on women to go against everything we've done for centuries as well as the lack of respect and appreciation for family. I am admittedly moderately anti-feminist in many ways, but that's beside the point. I now see and appreciate the importance of raising your children. However, the part that excites me is the fact that God wants me to step up and do even MORE for my children! God wants me to show them the world! How can I not be excited??? I don't even have children yet, nor am I pregnant, but I can't stop thinking about it!

Lastly, I really enjoyed what she had to say about marriage. I have to share this...

"A well-known training program for Christian college students has a special emphasis on marriage and family preparation. They focus on helping young people take 'realistic' expectations into marriage so that they don't become disillusioned when wedded bliss isn't everything they thought it would be. It's rather ironic if you think about it. Here is a group of Christian young people who have spent their entire life hearing that they should save sex until marriage. Christian leaders have always told them 'your marriage will be so much better if you wait!' And now the same people who heralded the many merits of 'waiting' are cautioning them not to get their hopes up for a 'happily ever after' love story... We see the dismal marriages so prevalent in our parents' generation, and we begin to wonder whether there really is anything worth waiting for after all... The Christian community constantly howls to the public about protecting the sanctity of marriage. Meanwhile Christian marriages are failing at the same rate as the rest of the world... Christian marriages should be the example to the rest of the world, demonstrating that following God's ways brings abundant life, joy, peace, and supernatural victory. Instead, we are training our young people to take dismal expectations into marriage and cautioning them not to get their hopes up too high." (pg 175-6)

I couldn't agree more! I think marriage, for some Christians and non-believers, has become a complete joke. Fickleness and divorce has become completely acceptable. It's almost understandable why so many young people choose multiple, meaningless sexual encounters over a committed marriage relationship when THAT is the message we're giving even to Christian young people! She goes on to discuss that the biggest problem in the majority of failing marriages is the message of selfishness we deem acceptable. She talks about the popular message of guarding ourselves from our husbands so we aren't let down. What kind of a message IS that? It absolutely feeds into our selfish nature, but it almost entirely negates the whole point of a marriage. As a wife we are asked to SERVE our husbands. I know I've talked about this before, but it's no less true now than it was then. Many modern women CRINGE at that statement. "'I don't think you need to refer to yourself as Eric's servant,' said one woman. 'It sounds so demeaning. You aren't his slave, you know. You still have your own life.' Other women agreed. 'I think you are taking it too far,' they told me. 'Of course you want to help him and honor him, but a wife doesn't need to grovel at her husband's feet'.... But, as a great Christian woman once said, 'Christ became even lower than a doormat.' Christ did not scrape and grasp for His rights, His power, His control. He willingly sacrificed them in order to meet our greatest need. There is no greater love than the One who stooped so low and sacrificed so much for the sake of His Beloved. Christ was not worried about what He would receive from us. He simply gave-- He willingly poured out His breath and blood because He loved us (Philippians 2:6). This is how we are called to love our husbands. Not holding back-- pouring ourselves out for our man with abandon. Not scraping for our own rights, not grasping for our own agenda, but humbling ourselves daily, seeking our spouse's good above our own." (pg 186-7). The fact that we no longer see giving without receiving anything in return as something worthwhile is sad. I will say this to people until I'm out of breath, but a marriage relationship is a COVENANT with God, not something that can be broken because of how WE feel. It is not always easy to give more of ourselves to even our husbands than ourself. We should not be serving our husbands with an ulterior motive in mind. We should not do something only because we're hoping for something in return (although I can tell you right now, when you go out of your way to serve your husband, he is way more inclined to do something nice for you in return than when you nag him or whine). Do I LOVE doing the dishes? Do I LOVE cleaning his dirty clothes off the floor everyday? Do I LOVE waking up on his early Army schedule to make sure he gets a complete breakfast before he starts his day? Usually not! However, the JOY that I get knowing my husband is taken care of and being allowed the opportunity to SHOW my love for him is something I honestly wouldn't give up (no matter how annoyed I get some days :P ).

There are a lot of other topics in this book, but I'm going to leave it to be read! Set-Apart Femininity by Leslie Ludy. PLEASE read it! It has made me realize that God has truly blessed us women with SO much! Over the past year I've really learned to embrace my femininity and use what God has blessed me with as a woman. There is really a lot to be said about Christian womanhood! Embrace it, love it, and use it in the name of our glorious God!

God's plan

First of all, I would like to say the arrival of February is BEYOND welcome for me. It doesn't seem like it's real! I've been waiting for this month for almost 11 1/2 months now, I can't believe it's actually here! I'm so ready for this deployment to be done. I'm ready to enjoy the progress that I've made with my husband in person. I'm ready to settle down, no longer be in transition, and enjoy life with my husband (until his next deployment at least...). I'm so ready to be just that much closer to starting our family and enjoying God's gifts.

But that's what brings me to write this blog entry. I've been reading the blogs of http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com and my heart is just aching. This girl, around my age, is an absolute inspiration. The love and devotion she has for God is just incredible and worth honoring. Although human, just like all of us, she always comes back to faith in God regardless of what she's being put through. But there were a few blogs in specific that really broke my heart: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2010/01/it-is-dark.html and http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2009/11/we-have-had-one-of-those-really-great.html (For whatever reason my hyperlink's aren't working... sorry). All that she does, and yet she still feels that she hasn't really done everything Jesus has called us to do. I think it's extremely healthy to constantly re-evaluate and never truly rest in bettering your faith. No person will ever become so righteous as to have absolutely no room to grow in their faith (except for Jesus of course). However it makes me think about what I'M doing. I don't consider myself a mean, un-giving person. Over this deployment, while Sam and I are relatively financially blessed, I've been making it a point to donate something to any charity I come across. I try to make it a point to go out of my way to do something to make a stranger smile. I generally try to think of others over myself (this of course still being very hard, we are very selfish beings). I feel that I should be doing more. I don't feel satisfied in what I give, yet I receive so much. I feel I should be doing so much more to spread God's love to his children who NEED Him who might not embrace Him. I'm really hoping to see eye to eye on this with my husband, because I plan to no longer ignore this desire building in my heart. I feel like God is planning something (well obviously He is, but I think it's going to be playing out in the very near future). What that may be, I have no idea, but I highly suspect SOMETHING is going to be presented to me and I'm going to have to take it. Sam and I by no means live in the lap of luxury (especially in a few weeks...), but we have so much more than so many others. I find nothing wrong with allowing myself to be comfortable, I think it's hard to give to others when you're lacking profoundly yourself (not that we are lacking profoundly) so I can't bring myself to necessarily feel BAD for what I have, just very blessed. However, I never want to rest in the comfort, I never want to lose sight of our heavenly kingdom, and I never want to hold on too tightly to worldly things. It also made me think about God's plan for people. I greatly admire those who do go around the world giving and helping those who need them, spreading God's love, but I know that's not necessarily God's calling for EVERYONE. Of course we're called to be hospitable and giving, thinking of others over ourselves and being a witness for Jesus, but not all of us are destined to go to places to like Africa to serve. I'm a nurturing soul and I'm very aware of this. I have a warm, open heart for anyone, but I will admit my heart really goes out to kids. I love working with kids everyday, watching them grow, watching them learn and knowing I was able to somehow touch their life and help them in some way to get to that point. I love taking care of my husband, I love making food for him, I love making sure he always has clean clothes and I love providing a clean, comfortable place to come home to. It's just natural for me to take care of others. When Isabelle was born, that fact became abundantly clear to me. I had NEVER felt so close to God, I had never felt a stronger sense of purpose EVER. I may not be her mother per se, but I knew there was a little girl now that would eventually NEED me for reassurance. I've been having stronger and stronger feelings that having a family and raising our children to be strong people in Christ is my calling. Imagining myself as a Christian mother just makes my heart beat a little faster in excitement. Does that make me any less important than those providing for thousands? I don't think it does. Someone has to raise those people, right? Does that mean I can't be as giving as possible? Of course not! Will I be very open to opportunities God puts in front of me? Absolutely. Will I be constantly striving to get closer to God and do what Jesus asks of us? Yes.

That's all I have for now :) It may be quite a long time before I'm able to blog again, but we shall see!

Maturité

I've had a real issue lately with people not necessarily pushing opinions, but trying to passive aggressively state their opinion and make me realize why my opinion is wrong. Sam and I obviously got married young (more me than him). We were married when I was technically 19 (I say technically because I turned 20 two days later). Admittedly, it depends on where I am because in most Army bases I'm considered one of the "elderly" wives, but up here in Minnesota I get a "What? You're 21 and married??". I don't know why I let it get to me, but I do. Who are they to know what I think is best for me? How do they know I wasn't some super genius, graduated from college with a masters and earn more than they do? Who are they to determine MY maturity level? I do recognize that the majority of people my age are FAR from ready to be married. However, the majority of people my age have not been through all that I have been through (not that experience necessarily ensures maturity either).

I've always been more mature for my age. I essentially took care of my little sister (10 years younger than me) since the age of 12. I battled depression, low self esteem, eating disorders, you name it and I more than likely went through it. I experimented with drugs when I was young, and I turned my life around when I was young. I began a relationship with my now husband rather young and had a child with him very young. However, when I look back, although generally very negative things, I WAS mature enough to handle the situations to the point where at 17 I was the equivalency to a 21 year old. I consider Sam and I to be equals, I never think to myself "wow he's 2 1/2 years older than me and it definitely shows". I think anyone who actually knows me more than an acquaintance would agree. I do not regret getting married what so ever. I felt I was ready to get married, and I still hold to that. So why do people feel the need to tell me that they think I'm too young to be married? Not to mention Sam and I are planning on starting our family, I just can't wait to hear "WHAT, you're 22/23 (the time frame I would actually be having a baby) and you have a child??"

Which brings me to my next thought, what age is considered being a young mom? Comparatively I can understand using the term "young mom" when you look at a 22 year old vs. let's say a 42 year old. Once again, I think it's an issue of maturity. I know people at 20 that are more capable of taking care of another life than a 35 year old. God has rekindled a real desire in me to have a baby. My maternal instincts and desires to have a baby have admittedly been very high since having Isabelle and putting her up for adoption at 16. However, I knew very well then and until this point that Sam and I were by no means ready to have children (financially or emotionally). God has really been speaking to me about this. When Isabelle was born, even though she wasn't in my household, I felt this overwhelming sense of fulfillment and purpose. I had never felt closer to God than in that moment when that precious little girl was born. God re-established that feeling in my heart and really made it known that raising a family focused on Him IS my calling. Being a sinful human, I turned and pretended I didn't hear. It's not what I had planned (not that I necessarily planned on being out of school and married to a soldier), and it's not what my family expects of me, after all having a child wasn't in the plan until I was at least 25 with a degree and a career! So God, being the ever so patient Creator that He is, asked me why I was turning away from Him? Didn't I KNOW that He would take care of me? Has He ever proven me wrong? Having Isabelle most definitely was NOT in my plan for my life, but it has brought me more than I could ever have fathomed. So I realized, God, once again you're absolutely right. It may be hard, it may not be what I had planned, but it's my path and instead of putting my fingers in my ears, looking the other way and pretending I didn't hear Him, I need to embrace it because I KNOW He will provide for us and I KNOW things will turn out better than I'm expecting. THAT is how I know that we are ready for this. We're both extremely excited to begin setting out on this adventure together, and being in a much better place in our life most definitely helps. So, I'll say it again, who are they to tell me I'm too young?