Contenment.

As I mentioned in my last post, I've been struggling to let go of control, trust that God has me where He needs me to be and finding ways to be content with where I am. But seriously, when I say struggling, I really mean struggling. I've never been a huge fan of El Paso for many reasons, but I swear I'm finding more and more reasons everyday. My recent issue is my diet. I've been trying SO hard to find moderately adequate (at best...) produce. Unfortunately, I am living in the desert. We don't HAVE in season produce because no produce can successfully grow here. So I'm left relying on grocery stores, and I cringe to say, the sorry produce at the commissary on base. Relying on those things are not the worst thing, but I know what homegrown fruits and vegetables taste like, and the bitter, rock hard fruits and wilted, aged vegetables are so far from it I tend to be forced to skip the produce aisle altogether. The worst part is, I don't know if there really is a solution, unless I drive a day either way and hope to find some green farm land. It just makes me sad reading all the articles about buying grass-fed meats and eating fresh, locally grown produce just knowing that I literally have no options unless I plan to spend more than I can afford, or drive hours to find options, which is also something I really can't afford. I wish someone would write a blog about eating and living naturally in the desert :(

Although this is a legitimate issue that is bothering, it really comes down to my location. My dad once told me that your location has nothing to do with your happiness, but I severely disagree. I understand what he meant, you'll always find faults in places and you need to find happiness within yourself, but El Paso has GOT to be the exception. No good food, very few things to do, and completely isolated for miles and MILES, among many things. I feel so STUCK. I literally have to remind myself everyday why I am here. I'm here because I made a vow to support my husband and follow him wherever the Army may take him. For better or for worse, right? El Paso is definitely one of those 'worse' moments, but I really am trying to take everything I can from it.

Which brings me to the less whiny part of the post (because I'm determined to always write something hopeful). I have started coming to the conclusion that maybe God is using these situations to give me a better understanding of all the things I had that I never appreciated before. Ever since we moved up to Minnesota from Alabama I wanted nothing more than to move away. My entire adolescent years were spent planning my escape. I ridiculed all those planning to stay. Now here I am, about as far from that state as you can probably get in this country, and I want absolutely nothing more than to go back. I miss the weather (yes, even the winters), I miss the green, I miss the farm lands and good food, I miss all the things to do, I miss the people, and not just my friends and family (but don't get me wrong, I miss them TERRIBLY) but I miss the Midwestern friendliness! You never know what you have until it's gone, right? I know I keep saying this, but I have to remind even myself to try and find something, anything, that I can learn from my experiences. God has a plan for me, and God is always faithful. I may not like where I am right now, I may not like waiting, I may not like a lot of things, but God's plans are always in my best interest. God's will is not to trick me, deceive me or drag me through bad situations just because. God knows what He's doing, and He knows what I need way before I know it. He has shown me what He can do time and time again, yet I still can't let go of that control. I may not be happy, but I am dead set and determined to find joy in His plan (yes even here in El Paso...), that way in the future, I can look back with fondness and remember what I was able to learn.