Fellowship.

I must confess, I have always been that girl that's kind of strange.  In childhood I had my share of friends, but I was never popular.  I marched to the beat of my own drum, if you will.  The Internet was the most amazing invention for me because it allowed me to use my written words instead of my often jumbled speech to connect with people who feel the same way.  None of this has changed for me, but my needs and my beliefs have.  I had always underestimated the importance of having someone in your life you can count on to physically be there when you need them.  When I was first saved, I thought for sure I didn't have to share with anyone in my spiritual journey, because between God and myself we have this covered, right?    I've been shown day after day how very untrue that is.  So let me start from the beginning.

I have trust issues.  Pretty profound ones.  I feel it probably makes me come off as uninterested, cold, or maybe even snobbish; attributes I know I do not possess.  I have been severely hurt by people I have trusted through my life, and although I won't go into the details because it would make this blog post 5 pages long, just know I carry the hurt even to this day.  My current situation is not helping, but that's also another topic for another day.  The point is, my experiences have molded me into an introvert.  I have a very difficult time opening up to people I don't know, or don't know well.  Once I have learned to trust, or have someone I trust I feel I can rely on for support, it's no issue for me whatsoever, but until then, I clam up.  I've become very good at quietly watching, observing, and listening; something I am actually quite thankful I have learned, but I feel has been detrimental to building relationships. Although I am actually a very warm, caring person, I struggle to take that leap to start conversation, or introduce myself. 

With all that being said, I never knew just how important it was to have strong bonds with other people.  Especially in regards to faith and motherhood.  You know that saying "it takes a village" when it comes to parenting?  Oh man did I not understand just how true that is!  I also realized just how stagnant I had become in my spiritual journey when I wasn't going to church, or attending Bible study, or discussing anything with anyone.  Without fellowship, helping hands, people who care, people who will lift you up, people you can count on, life quickly becomes so very empty and fulfilling.  Through all of my struggles, I can't imagine being in the place I'm at now without the help of some seriously amazing women in my life. 

So,  in my year of stepping out in faith, I want to step out in faith and make fellowship more intentional.  I desperately need those relationships, and I have not been very good at allowing them to happen or to nurture the ones I already have.  One step that I am taking to achieve this is to (attempt) to attend the (in)RL conference.  To meet and connect with like-minded women in a completely vulnerable setting (although I do know some people going :) ) I know this isn't exactly a high-traffic blog, but in the off chance someone else reads this that hasn't seen it, I encourage you to register here to find a meeting spot near you!